Archive for the ‘My Advice Column!’ Category


Here are two reasons high schools should support teaching philosophy.

1. It looks great on college applications. Colleges are looking for mature students who will buckle down and focus intensely four years—rather than 1.5, maybe 2 rustling together credits and a senior thesis. A (good) philosophy class offers students a kind of birds’-eye view on the whole of human knowledge, allowing them to carefully consider the overwhelming number of majors available to them in college, rather than haphazardly falling into one because the deadline is approaching.

2. Many, not all, philosophers claim to have been that student in high school who drastically underperformed and was always bored. Philosophy is boredom’s consolation. With the right teacher, truly bored students may find that intellectual excitement they need to reach their academic potential.

Universities and philosophy programs should also be embracing and promoting this movement. If more students in high school take philosophy, more will enroll in philosophy classes in college—and maybe even enjoy them, rather than commenting in their later years, “Yeah, I took a philosophy class; it was really interesting.” Furthermore, if more high schools taught philosophy, there would be more jobs for philosophers, who may steer undergraduates to philosophy courses in college, which in turn stimulates the applicant pool to graduate programs. This makes philosophy financially viable, encouraging bureaucratic university administrators to fund philosophy—another example of the grand circle of life.

Many high schools are already doing a wonderful job of integrating nuance and variety into the curriculum. They are teaching bioethics in science classes, CSI forensics, economics, and capital-investment classes, none of which I saw or could have imagined happening even a decade ago. However, something is still missing. We are showing our students how cool math and science can be, but at the heart of learning is a passion for knowledge, not simply a bag of tricks to impress our friends.  Let the kids into that world: teach them philosophy, or, even better, learn about philosophy with them!

zs

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While it is normal to occasionally feel sad, when a person has major depressive disorder, they experience a severely depressed mood that can remain for years at a time. This is often referred to as depression, which can interfere with daily functioning and cause distress for both the person with the disorder and their family. With an estimated 16 percent of adults suffering from depression, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, cases of depression are by no means isolated.

With everyone from doctors to therapists to herbal specialists chiming on the subject, reading more about depression can help both patients and caregivers make better decisions. If you are high in desire to learn but low on the wallet, there are options. To help out, I have gathered the below top 25 free and useful eBooks about depression. They are authored by everyone from licensed therapists to those who have suffered some type of depression.

Top Free and Useful eBooks About General Depression

  1. How to Survive the Loss of a Love
    Because there is nothing more saddening than the death of a loved one, stop here. This book by three professionals has been read by over two million people. All 67 parts are available to read with just a click and the part on Understanding Loss is a good introduction.
  2. How to Heal Depression
    Harold H. Bloomfield and Peter McWilliams return in this book on depression. Four parts include understanding depression, healing the brain, healing the mind, and continuing healing are all shared. You can also learn more on how St. John’s Wort is used in the treatment of depression.
  3. You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought
    Because everyone is susceptible to negative thought, not just those with depression, click here. The book is intended for people with any life threatening illness. Chapters include the disease, the cure, and even the three steps to positive thought.
  4. A Collection of Poems About Depression
    If you or someone you know are suffering from depression, it can be easy to feel alone. In this collected work, the author shares poems made in the 90’s when suffering from depression. Peter Stone shares about ten years’ worth of experience battling the disease.
  5. Cure Chronic Anxiety and Depression
    Think you may have either? Then check out this free eBook from Sarah Shikitao-Brown. Natural happiness is also a topic of the book.
  6. Help for Anxiety, Phobias, OCD, and Depression
    Because depression can also come with other mental health problems, have a read of this book. Terry Dixon gives insight into anxiety-related problems and how to deal with them. It also provides information that can be helpful for leading the reader toward a better understanding of the causes and cures for anxiety-based problems.
  7. Meditation and Depression
    Get an academic view of depression with a visit here. Willoughby B. Britton of the department of psychology at the University of Arizona is your author. Chapters are on a prelude to medication, the reversal of depression, the physiological effects of mindfulness, and much more.
  8. Understanding Depression
    Visit here for more of an online guide than traditional eBook. The folks at Help Guide feature basic information such as the signs, symptoms, causes, and help for those with depression. There are also loads of useful links on the topic.

Top Free and Useful eBooks About Psychology

  1. Online Self Help Psychology Book
    Licensed psychotherapist Thayer White authors this book for people with mental health changes in their lives. He argues that individuals can do 90 percent of therapy themselves. Chapters include creativity, weight loss, emotion, men and women, along with many other topics.
  2. Dream Psychology
    You don’t have to be an expert in psychology to recognize the name Sigmund Freud. One of the founders of the science authors this very book on the topic. Visit here to get it as HTML, Kindle, plain text, and more.
  3. Studies in the Psychology of Sex
    Is sexual frustration the cause or downsides to your depression? Then check out this free, popular choice from Havelock Ellis. There are several parts, all of which are available for free.
  4. Psychology and Achievement
    The thought of unfulfilled goals can be depressing to anyone. This free eBook by Warren Hilton examines this very thing. Wasted effort, wasted money, usefulness, and other topics are explored.
  5. Hierarchy of Needs
    Because everyone has several needs, see which are most important to you with a read of this book. Abraham Maslow is considered to be the father of Humanistic Psychology and author of this eBook. There is even a diagram of needs included which is often referred to in psychology.
  6. Classics in Psychology
    Get historical essays on the topic from 1855 to 1914. Many psychology students and experts often read this text as part of their studies. Emerging topics such as methodology, analyses, individual experiences, and more are all featured.
  7. Elements of Psychology
    Similar to the above, this text is often read by students and doctors of psychology. It was written at about 1923 and has been reconstructed for the modern day. Over 250 pages are available to read.
  8. The Conundrums of Psychology
    Sam Vaknin writes on the many problems of psychology. They include normal personality, the myth of mental illness, history of personality disorders, and many more. You can read the entire thing online or download from Scrib’d.
  9. Just Stop Having Problems, Stupid
    Sick of all the “psycho-babble?” So was Dr. Matt, a self-professed fake doctor who takes on realistic problems in a realistic way. Five outrageous chapters include “How to Compare Russell Crowe and Stone Phillips.”

Other Top Free and Useful eBooks About Depression

    1. Hypericum and Depression
      What is hypericum and how can it be used to treat depression? These and other questions are answered in this free eBook. It also includes summaries of medical studies done on the treatment.
    2. The Dark Side of Sleeping Pills
      We all may have turned to sleeping pills at one time or other. However, Dr. Daniel Kripke discusses them in detail and the risks associated with them. Better alternatives are also looked at.
    3. Brighten Your Life
      Dr. Kripke returns again in this free eBook. It is about how sleep can be used as a treatment for depression. How light is used in modern days takes center stage.
    4. A Book of Infinite Possibilities
      Melody Bass shares just what the title promises. She discusses how to focus on changing your thoughts, loving your life, and learning the art of trusting. Readers even stopped into comment on their approval of the book.
    5. Dream Interpretation as a Science
      Is a cigar a cigar? Your dreams can give you more insight to your depression or mental state than you think. Christina Sponias take on the topic in this free 86 page excerpt of her book.
    6. An Amateur’s Guide to Spirituality
      Could spirituality be a treatment for your depression, but you don’t know how? Then check out this guide from Ella Roberts to get the opinion of someone of the same mind set. She knows what is like to be lost spiritually and to ask the questions that need answering.
    7. Mother Teresa: A Biography
      Learn more about one of the most adored figures of our times. The book follows the journey of Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu from her humble Albanian birth to worldwide celebrity as Mother Teresa. All 174 pages are available as a PDF.
    8. 101 Motivational Quotes
      Finally, if you just need some inspiration, click here. Steven Grabek shares quotes from society’s greatest thinkers in this free eBook. It also tackles the loss of motivation and procrastination.

The above top 25 free and useful eBooks about depression are for educational and entertainment purposes only. Please consult a licensed physician or therapist if experiencing depression or before making changes to any medication plan.

zs


They say ”Endings are the new beginnings”. Such people are actually right. I agree with this notion. It’s because when something ends, it denotes new beginning. For example, when a person dies i.e. his life ends, but actually his dreamy and full of fantasy temporary life ends, and a new beginning i.e. the eternal life hereafter begins as soon as he dies. No, I’m not brushing up my philosophy, but actually stating the TRUTH.

Take another example, how the night falls and a stony silence creeps in the whole atmosphere. Come to think of it?!

After darkness, there is always LIGHT. IT’S THE TRUTH AS WELL. The most common epitome that illustrates this statement is the blessed phenomenon of Allah The Almighty upon us that after the night, dawn comes and morning emerges with the sound of the traffic enmeshed with the chirping and tweeting of the birds in the clear, blue sky. The stars and the moon have hidden themselves in a veil, and Mr. Sun appears. 🙂

Too many times, I encounter such people who lose their optimism down to a cellular level when they suffer from a ‘betrayal, fraud or a breakup of their relationships’, or when they flunk in any subject(s) at the school exams.

The aftermath of such loss of hope, loss of love, loss of humanity, and care and respect is very detrimental. Most of the people (like me) can’t bear up the pain of separation and end up as mental patients, depression patients in the mental asylum. Some of them even succumb to committing suicide!! :'(:(

Suicide is becoming a common aspect among teenagers in our society. Even I suffered from loss of love and loneliness and breakup and failures. The pain of getting betrayed is far worser than it seems. Research shows that the pain of breakup/betrayal causes severe pain/damage to the brain, even more severe than an injury. But from what I’ve gathered from my experiences of life is that only the sincere one i.e. A true lover/friend weeps and gets himself/herself afflicted with the injury of brain and heart after a breakup/betrayal. Instead of worrying over bad grades, you guys should even focus harder on your ACADEMICS… Work hard and prove to your teachers and enemies that u are not a garbage. YOU are YOU.. And YOU are a MARVEL.. Keep your morals HIGH. AIM FOR THE HEIGHT. SO, BEGIN YOUR OWN BEGINNING. AND AS FOR THE VULNERABLE ONES, WHO GOT THEIR TRUSTS BROKEN, THEY SHOULD ALSO MOVE ON AND CARRY ON WITH THEIR FOOTSTEPS..THEY SHOULD WALK FURTHER UNTIL THEY REACH THEIR DESTINATION..BECAUSE, THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD (P.B.U.H.) SAID: ”THE ONE WHO CHEATS IS NOT ONE OF US.” …

 

P.S. THIS WAS COMPOSED BY ME WHEN I WAS 16 YEARS OLD, IN 2013. 🙂 

zscurl


Classics

  1. On Behalf of the Insane Poor (1843) by Dorothea Dix: While individuals with mental health conditions (especially those in lower tax brackets) still grapple against marginalization today, the absolutely nauseating acts nurse Dorothea Dix witnessed at asylums were even more dehumanizing.
  2. Rules of the Sociological Method (1895) by Emile Durkheim: Almost anything by the heavily influential sociologist Emile Durkheim should be considered essential reading, but this one in particular is notable for outlining research strategies and models.
  3. The Communist Manifesto (1848) by Friedrich Engels and Karl Marx: Regardless of whether or not one agrees with the core tenets and practices of communism, the most controversial economic treatise ever published still impacted humanity (and, of course, its social structure) in a major way.
  4. The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism (1905) by Max Weber: In spite of the title, Max Weber did not intend for his book to be read as an in-depth inquiry into Protestantism. Rather, one of his most famous works explores the relationship between society and religion.
  5. Coming of Age in Samoa (1928) by Margaret Mead: Anthropologist Margaret Mead found some valuable sociological, historical and psychological lessons in her studies of indigenous peoples, precipitating a greater understanding of the adolescent and female experiences.
  6. The Hero with a Thousand Faces (1949) by Joseph Campbell: For sociology buffs who love literature and anthropology, this undeniable classic dissects commonalities in religious and folk narratives and characters from various eras and geographic locales.
  7. The Lonely Crowd (1950) by Reuel Denney, Nathan Glazer and David Riesman: Although some of the research has changed over the decades along with shifts in American culture, this landmark read brought up some revolutionary, provocative ideas about self and social interaction.
  8. The Sociological Imagination (1959) by C. Wright Mills: C. Wright Mills delves deeply into sociology’s structure, function and ultimate goals, providing practitioners with some amazing insight into their field — offering up some intellectual challenges about the nature of reality along the way.
  9. Madness and Civilization (1961) by Michel Foucault: This incredibly illuminating book begins in the Middle Ages and traces the complex history of what society does and does not deem mentally imbalanced, its marginalization of various groups and how it justifies such intolerant behavior.
  10. Stigma (1963) by Erving Goffman: In almost every society, anyone who does not fit into a specifically dictated norm ends up sent to the margins, regardless of whether or not they truly deserve it. One of sociology’s seminal works makes sense of the whys and how behind this phenomenon.
  11. The Social Construction of Reality (1966) by Peter L. Berger and Thomas Luckmann:The concept of social construction remains a core component of sociological studies, and any students wanting to learn more about the influential relationship between individuals, groups and their perceptions of reality would do well to pick up Peter L. Berger and Thomas Luckmann’s ruminations on the subjects.
  1. The Varieties of Religious Experience (1902) by William James: Although more a work of psychology and philosophy than sociology, students concerned with researching interplay between religion, the individual and the congregations and denominations in question should still consider this book essential.
  2. The Elementary Forms of the Religious Life (1912) by Emile Durkheim: The religious beliefs and rituals all over the world receive skillful dissection and analysis regarding how they influence the societies surrounding them.
  3. The Sociology of Religion (c. 1921) by Max Weber: As one can easily glean from the title,The Sociology of Religion concerns itself with understanding the role of faith in shaping human society for better or for worse.
  4. The World’s Religions (1958) by Huston Smith: Originally titled The Religions of Man, Huston Smith’s classic work is oftentimes cited as one of the most adroit introductions to comparative religion around.
  5. Our Religions (1994) by Arvind Sharma: Significant scholars representing seven of the world’s most heavily populated religions describe the core tenets that attract followers to their respective faiths.
  6. The World’s Wisdom (1995) by Philip Novak: Sociology students with a keen interest in writing about interplay between religion and society should make an effort to read sacred texts from around the world.
  7. The Good Heart (1998) by His Holiness the Dalai Lama: In his lecture from 1994, the Dalai Lama offers up his own interpretations of Jesus’ teachings, resulting in a fascinating interfaith comparison between Buddhism, Christianity and Judaism.
  8. The Battle for God (2000) by Karen Armstrong: Explore the three Abrahamic faiths, and the patterns they share when fringe groups hold the rest of the faith hostage with fundamentalism and violence.
  9. When Religion Becomes Evil (2002) by Charles Kimball: Wake Forest professor and reverend Charles Kimball outlines the five major warning signs of a religion (or a segment of a religion) giving in to violent fundamentalist urges.
  10. God is Not One (2010) by Stephen Prothero: Using both academics and personal experience, this Boston University professor delves into the eight largest religions in the world and highlights the major differences that nurture heavy conflict.

Contemporary Classics

  1. Guns, Germs, and Steel (1997) by Jared Diamond: Sociology aficionados, students and professionals who also enjoy reading about history, ethnography, geography and politics (among other topics) will probably find this critically lauded Pulitzer winner a thoroughly engaging read.
  2. Bowling Alone (2000) by Robert D. Putnam: Though time has witnessed a movement away from some of Robert D. Putnam’s studies and observations, his frank discussions of why so many Americans migrate away from civil and neighborly engagement still ring true in many aspects.
  3. Culture Jam (2000) by Kalle Lasn: Subcultures are just as important to sociologists as the prevailing hegemonies surrounding them. Adbusters co-founder Kalle Lasn introduces readers to the old art of culture jamming in response to conspicuous consumption and manipulative advertising.
  4. Sexing the Body (2000) by Anne Fausto-Sterling: Contemporary sexologists make some very compelling scientific cases for gender being based more on sociological paradigms rather than something inherently biological. Many, such as Anne Fausto-Sterling, hope to dispel many of the myths surrounding those who don’t fit into the confining cultural binary.
  5. The Blank Slate (2002) by Steven Pinker: All social science students are familiar with the concept of tabula rasa, but Steven Pinker believes that using it as a model will yield erroneous results and thinking.
  6. The Wisdom of Crowds (2004) by James Surowiecki: Though the “crowd mentality” has a tendency to devolve into madness, this journalist argues that there are some very valuable lessons in productivity to be learned from it.
  7. Freakonomics (2005) by Stephen J. Dubner and Steven D. Levitt: In spite of its merging of economics and pop culture, some sociologists looking for something a little bit lighter than Durkheim, Foucault and Weber find Freakonomics a neat read.
  8. The Lucifer Effect (2007) by Philip Zimbardo: Psychologist Philip Zimbardo explores the highly complex sociological and psychological factors that send previously stable, good-hearted people over the edge and compel them to commit violent crimes.
  9. Guyland (2008) by Michael Kimmel: Adolescent boys in America grow up with some potentially damaging social norms regarding acceptable, arbitrarily “masculine” behavior foisted upon them. This controversial read explores the sociology behind some of these hazardous mindsets and what needs to be done to curb them.

Ethnic Studies

  1. Tally’s Corner (1967) by Elliott Liebow: This groundbreaking study of African-American poverty, ethnography and urbanism should be placed on the syllabi and personal reading lists of sociology students and professionals alike.
  2. Coming to America (1990) by Roger Daniels: Now in its second edition, Coming to Americaexplores the unique experiences of immigrants fleeing to the United States in search of new opportunities — many of whom tragically never really find what they’re seeking.
  3. A Different Mirror (1993) by Ronald Tataki: History, sociology and anthropology lessons merge together through stories and perspectives shining light on the nation’s rich, multicultural heritage.
  4. Other People’s Children (1995) by Lisa Delpit: Learn about the myriad ways in which the public school system tends to marginalize minority and impoverished children based more on stereotypes rather than personal aptitude, and how these practices compromise their futures.
  5. Race Rules (1996) by Michael Eric Dyson: This essay collection explores the difficult but absolutely necessary questions behind racial divides in America, which persisted even into the succeeding millennium.
  6. The Earth Shall Weep (1998) by James Wilson: The grim reality of Native American history after the Europeans ravaged their culture and land provides ethnographers and ethnic studies students plenty to ponder.
  7. Asian American Dreams (2001) by Helen Zia: Part memoir, part journalistic inquiry, Asian American Dreams opens readers up to the marginalizing experiences of the eponymous demographic both in school and mainstream society.
  8. Harvest of Empire (2001) by Juan Gonzales: This history book delves deeply into the complex past, present and possible futures of the Latin American peoples, serving as an excellent introduction to this particular corner of ethnic studies.
  9. Unequal Childhoods (2003) by Annette Lareau: For examples of class and race divides still present in the United States, one need only look at the public school system. From there, these gulfs only widen and cause distress in the surrounding societies.
  10. “Why are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?” (2003) by Beverly Daniel Tatum: One psychologist dissects how younger generations form and come to terms with their racial identity, paying especially close attention to African-Americans receiving an education in predominantly Caucasian schools.

Women’s Studies

  1. A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792) by Mary Wollstonecroft: One of the earliest feminist treatises ever written laid the groundwork for later movements — all it asked was that women enjoy perfectly equal social standing as men.
  2. The Second Sex (1949) by Simone de Beauvoir: Before the women’s movement gained considerable momentum in America, this French existentialist pointed out the marginalization and “otherness” oftentimes foisted upon females.
  3. The Feminine Mystique (1963) by Betty Friedan: In the book that almost single-handedly launched the Second Wave of the feminist movement, Betty Friedan explored the plight of American housewives and pleaded for social justice.
  4. The Female Eunuch (1970) by Germaine Greer: Though not everyone will necessarily agree with the fiery, radical takes on feminism by writers such as Germaine Greer and Angela Y. Davis, sociologists with a love of studying sociopolitical movements and subcultures will find them absolutely fascinating.
  5. Women Race & Class (1983) by Angela Y. Davis: This incredibly controversial activist offers up her take on the eponymous subjects, based on experiences gained during one of the nation’s most volatile eras.
  6. Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center (1984) by bell hooks: bell hooks delivers an incredibly powerful message about how even movements meant to combat marginalization still end up kicking some members to the fringe.
  7. The Beauty Myth (1991) by Naomi Wolf: One of feminism’s core complaints revolves around the objectification and obsession with female beauty and body shape, which receives a thorough history and dissection here.
  8. ManifestA (2000) by Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards: Young feminists looking to lead the next generation of empowered women — as well as sociologists studying them — will find plenty of useful information and inspiration between ManifestA‘s covers.
  9. Female Chauvinist Pigs (2005) by Ariel Levy: Explore one of the more nebulous corners of the women’s movement, where some ladies deliberately exploit their sexuality to impress men, yet still label such actions empowerment.
  10. The Purity Myth (2009) by Jessica Valenti: Savvy Jessica Valenti analyzes how social and media perceptions and stigmatizations of female sexuality actively hold back — if not outright endanger — young women.

zscurl

1. Words-to-Use.com — A different kind of thesaurus.

2. OneLook.com — One quick dictionary search tool.

3. Vocabulary.com — The quickest, most intelligent way to improve your vocabulary.

4. ZenPen.io — A minimalist writing zone where you can block out all distractions.

5. 750words.com — Write three new pages every day.

6. Readability-Score.com — Get scored on your writing’s readability.

7. YouShouldWrite.com — Get a new writing prompt every time you visit.

8. WriterKata.com — Improve your writing with repetitive exercises.

9. IWL.me — A tool that analyzes your writing and tells you which famous authors you most write like.

10. HemingwayApp.com — Simplify your writing.

11. FakeNameGenerator.com — Generate fake names for your characters.

12. Storyline.io — Collaborate on a story with others by submitting a paragraph.

 


Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860), was a brilliant German philosopher. These 38 Stratagems are excerpts from “The Art of Controversy”, first translated into English and published in 1896.

Schopenhauer’s 38 ways to win an argument are:

  1. Carry your opponent’s proposition beyond its natural limits; exaggerate it. The more general your opponent’s statement becomes, the more objections you can find against it. The more restricted and narrow his or her propositions remain, the easier they are to defend by him or her.
  2. Use different meanings of your opponent’s words to refute his or her argument.
  3. Ignore your opponent’s proposition, which was intended to refer to a particular thing. Rather, understand it in some quite different sense, and then refute it. Attack something different than that which was asserted.
  4. Hide your conclusion from your opponent till the end. Mingle your premises here and there in your talk. Get your opponent to agree to them in no definite order. By this circuitious route you conceal your game until you have obtained all the admissions that are necessary to reach your goal.
  5. Use your opponent’s beliefs against him. If the opponent refuses to accept your premises, use his own premises to your advantage.
  6. Another plan is to confuse the issue by changing your opponent’s words or what he or she seeks to prove.
  7. State your proposition and show the truth of it by asking the opponent many questions. By asking many wide-reaching questions at once, you may hide what you want to get admitted. Then you quickly propound the argument resulting from the opponent’s admissions.
  8. Make your opponent angry. An angry person is less capable of using judgement or perceiving where his or her advantage lies.
  9. Use your opponent’s answers to your questions to reach different or even opposite conclusions.
  10. If your opponent answers all your questions negatively and refuses to grant any points, ask him or her to concede the opposite of your premises. This may confuse the opponent as to which point you actually seek them to concede.
  11. If the opponent grants you the truth of some of your premises, refrain from asking him or her to agree to your conclusion. Later, introduce your conclusion as a settled and admitted fact. Your opponent may come to believe that your conclusion was admitted.
  12. If the argument turns upon general ideas with no particular names, you must use language or a metaphor that is favorable in your proposition.
  13. To make your opponent accept a proposition, you must give him or her an opposite, counter-proposition as well. If the contrast is glaring, the opponent will accept your proposition to avoid being paradoxical.
  14. Try to bluff your opponent. If he or she has answered several of your questions without the answers turning out in favor of your conclusion, advance your conclusion triumphantly, even if it does not follow. If your opponent is shy or stupid, and you yourself possess a great deal of impudence and a good voice, the trick may easily succeed.
  15. If you wish to advance a proposition that is difficult to prove, put it aside for the moment. Instead, submit for your opponent’s acceptance or rejection some true poposition, as thoug you wished to draw your proof from it. Should the opponent reject it because he or she suspects a trick, you can obtain your triumph by showing how absurd the opponent is to reject a true proposition. Should the opponent accept it, you now have reason on your own for the moment. You can either try to prove your original proposition or maintain that your original proposition is proved by what the opponent accepted. For this, an extreme degree of impudence is required.
  16. When your opponent puts forth a proposition, find it inconsistent with his or her other statements, beliefs, actions, or lack of action.
  17. If your opponent presses you with a counter proof, you will often be able to save yourself by advancing some subtle distinction. Try to find a second meaning or an ambiguous sense for your opponent’s idea.
  18. If your opponent has taken up a line of argument that will end in your defeat, you must not allow him or her to carry it to its conclusion. Interrupt the dispute, break it off altogether, or lead the opponent to a different subject.
  19. Should your opponent expressly challenge you to produce any objection to some definite point in his or her argument, and you have nothing much to say, try to make the argument less specific.
  20. If your opponent has admitted to all or most of your premises, do not ask him or her directly to accept your conclusion. Rather draw the conclusion yourself as if it too had been admitted.
  21. When your opponent uses an argument that is superficial, refute it by setting forth its superficial character. But it is better to meet the opponent with a counter argument that is just as superficial, and so dispose of him or her. For it is with victory that your are concerned, and not with truth.
  22. If your opponent asks you to admit something from which the point in dispute will immediately follow, you must refuse to do so, declaring that it begs the question.
  23. Contradiction and contention irritate a person into exaggerating his or her statements. By contractiong your opponent you may drive him or her into extending the statement beyond its natural limit. When you then contradict the exaggerated form of it, you look as though you had refuted the orginal statement your opponent tries to extend your own statement further than you intended, redefine your statement’s limits.
  24. This trick consists in stating a false syllogism. Your opponent makes a proposition and by false inference and distortion of his or her ideas you force from the proposition other propositions that are not intended and that appear absurd. It then appears the opponent’s proposition gave rise to these inconsistencies, and so appears to be indirectly refuted.
  25. If your opponent is making a generalization, find an instance to the contrary. Only one valid contradiciton is needed to overthrow the opponent’s proposition.
  26. A brilliant move is to turn the tables and use your opponent’s arguments against him or herself.
  27. Should your opponent surprise you by becoming particularly angry at an argument, you must urge it with all the more zeal. Not only will this make the opponent angry, it may be presumed that you put your finger on the weak side of his or her case, and that the opponent is more open to attack on this point than you expected.
  28. This trick is chiefly practicable in a dispute if there is an audience who is not an expert on the subject. You make an invalid objection to your opponent who seems to be defeated in the eyes of the audience. This strategy is particularly effective if your objection makes the opponent look ridiculous or if the audience laughs. If the opponent must make a long, complicated explanation to correct you, the audience will not be disposed to listen.
  29. If you find that you are being beaten, you can create a diversion that is, you can suddenly begin to talk of something else, as though it had bearing on the matter in dispose. This may be done without presumption if the diversion has some general bearing on the matter.
  30. Make an appeal to authority rather than reason. If your opponent respects an authority or an expert, quote that authority to further your case. If needed, quote what the authority said in some other sense or circumstance. Authorities that your opponent fails to understand are those which he or she generally admires the most. You may also, should it be necessary, not only twist your authorities, but actually falsify them, or quote something that you have invented entirely yourself.
  31. If you know that you have no reply to an argument that your opponent advances, you may, by a fine stroke of irony, declare yourself to be an incompetent judge.
  32. A quick way of getting rid of an opponent’s assertion, or throwing suspicion on it, is by putting it into some odious category.
  33. You admit your opponent’s premises but deny the conclusion.
  34. When you state a question or an argument, and your opponent gives you no direct answer, or evades it with a counter question, or tries to change the subject, it is a sure sign you have touched a weak spot, sometimes without knowing it. You have as it were, reduced the opponent to silence. You must, therefore, urge the point all the more, and not let your opponent evade it, even when you do not know where the weakness that you have hit upon really lies.
  35. This trick makes all unnecessary if it works. Instead of working on an opponent’s intellect, work on his or her motive. If you succeed in making your opponent’s opinion, should it prove true, seem distinctly to his or her own interest, the opponenent will drop it like a hot potato.
  36. You may also puzzle and bewilder your opponent by mere bombast. If the opponent is weak or does not wish to appear as ife he or she has no idea what you are talking about, you can easily impose upon him or her some argument that sounds very deep or learned, or that sounds indisputable.
  37. Should your opponent be in the right but, luckily for you, choose a faulty proof, you can easily refute it and then claim that you have refuted the whole position. This is the way which bad advocates lose a good case. If no accurate proof occurs to the opponent or the bystanders, you have won the day.
  38. A last trick is to become personal, insulting and rude as soon as you perceive that your opponent has the upper hand. In becoming personal you leave the subject altogether, and turn your attack on the person by remarks of an offensive and spiteful character. This is a very popular trick, because everyone is able to carry it into effect.

(abstracted from the book:Numerical Lists You Never Knew or Once Knew and Probably Forget, by: John Boswell and Dan Starer)

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This is Dale Carnegie’s summary of his book, from 1936

 

Part One

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two

Six ways to make people like you

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Part Three

Win people to your way of thinking

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
  11. Dramatize your ideas.
  12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  5. Let the other person save face.
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

 

 

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  1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
  2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
  3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. 
  4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
  5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
  6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
  7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
  8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
  9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
  10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.
  11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
  12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
  13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
  14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
  15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
  16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
  17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
  18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
  19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
  20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
  21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
  22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
  23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
  24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
  25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
  26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
  27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
  28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
  29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
  30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Source: Marco and Angel

 

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Looking back over our lives, what will we cherish and what will we regret? These words of wisdom are worth reading. It doesn’t matter how old you are; I think there’s something for everyone on this list. 

#1. They recognize that getting even doesn’t get you ahead in life.

You will never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with them. Sometimes we don’t forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive them because they need it, because we need it, and because we cannot move forward without it. To forgive is to rediscover the inner peace and purpose that at first you thought someone took away when they betrayed you.

#2. They pay attention to how people treat their parents.

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The way a potential partner treats his/her parents is a good predictor of how they will be in a marriage. Also, the way they treat a waiter (or any service person) shows you their character.

#3. They’re authentic, and they listen to their “still, small voice.”

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You can feel it give you a stinging “bzzzz” when you should not be somewhere, and a feel-good “lalalala!” when you are in a very good place. Trust those GUT feelings. Your intuition is your superpower — use it and you will diminish your chance for regret…and increase your chance for wonderfulness.

#4. They hold on tight to the joy of being ‘in the moment.’

You will have to focus on the future so much as you get older — being mindful to the moment becomes a lost gift.

#5. They’re excited by other people’s success.

This will get you ahead faster than only being excited for your own success. Take time to hear what people think. You won’t ever get called a jerk for listening too much.

#6. They know that there’s no such thing as normal.

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I spent my entire childhood and adolescence wishing for a “normal” family, and being embarrassed by mine. No one has a normal family – and if they do…that’s weird.

#7. They know that hiding their head in the sand just makes it easier for someone else to kick their ass.

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In other words, stick up for yourself! Don’t be an ostrich.

#8. They’re always, always, always honest.

Really being assertive and honest has worked out for me so much better romantically and friendship wise then just keeping it bottled in or what have you.

#9. They see as much of the world as possible.

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#10. They understand that life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass.

It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.

#11. They ask questions.

Anybody worth a damn will NOT fault you for not knowing something. So long as you demonstrate humility, curiosity and respect, people feel valued to teach you what you don’t know.

#12. They honor their eccentricities.

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Be yourself. If a person likes you for something you are not, you will regret it. But…not as much as if you miss out on a person that would like you for what you are, but not what you are trying to be.

#13. They refuse to let gender define them.

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Do what you want, even if that means defying gender norms. It goes both ways. Love my little ponies? Go to a Brony convention whether you’re male or female. Like building things? Live your dream and study architecture. Your genitals have nothing to do with what work you do while you’re on this earth.

#14. They give their parents a chance.

Which is to say they understand that their parents are just people,too. 

Learn from this guy’s mistakes: “My dad wasn’t such a bad guy after all. Long story short, I grew up in a family of 7 kids (6 boys, & 1 girl) Both my parents raised us on their own working as school teachers. Through my childhood, teen years and early twenties the majority of what I remember of my dad is being weird, cheap, strict, structured, and had high expectations of all his kids. Up until recently, we would argue about anything and everything under the sun. Now that my older brother and I have kids of our own, we are constantly going to our dad for advice. I’m 27 years old and I’m just realizing how great of a father I have. Wish I wouldn’t have been such a douchebag of a son half the time.” 

#15. They know they aren’t the smartest person in the room.

I mean, think about it. Every time we look back at ourselves five years ago we think we were an idiot. Ask for advice, and learn from your elders. Those can be elders within your family or your field!

#16. They know social media isn’t real life.

Due to social media, it’s really easy to feel inadequate or have low self-esteem because you’re still experiencing your day-to-day while seeing everyone else’s highlight reels. A few months ago, I chose to stop using any social media except Facebook and Tumblr. I’ve since seen a gradual but steady increase in how little I worry about if I’m doing “good enough” and wish I’d done it sooner. Everyone should try it at least for a week.

#17. Anger does not define them.

The anger response is a primitive mechanism used to help you survive in serious fight-or-flight situations. If you consistently lose your temper over trivial stuff, and regularly abuse the people who you feel you have power over, then you have an anger management problem.

#18. They don’t hold themselves to unrealistic standards.

There have been countless articles written about how the ladies in the magazines don’t even look like the ladies in the magazines…but this is applicable in almost all areas of your life. A projection of an image is not reality. Be the best you possible, and let go of the concept of “perfect.” It isn’t real.

#19. They network.

It’s mainly who you know. So get to know people.

#20. SUNSCREEN. They wear it!

Your skin is the biggest organ on your body. Wearing sunscreen isn’t just a vanity or anti-aging thing. It could literally prolong your life and prevent dangerous forms of skin cancer.

#21. They know that old friendships are gold.

#22. They understand that “being yourself” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work on yourself.

Aim higher. “Be yourself” is not an excuse to perpetuate bad habits. If there’s an area of your life that needs to be addressed (addiction issues, anger management, anxiety, depression…the list goes on) do so now rather than regretting it later. It’s okay to ask for help.

#23. SERVICE and giving back is an important part of their life.

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It’s so easy to make someone’s day. There’s no better high than the one you get off of helping someone else. Smile at a stranger. Pick something up for someone you don’t know. Compliment your coworker’s shoes. Do something small to brighten someone else’s day and you’ll not only experience an endorphin rush, but you’ll also attract positivity to yourself. (If you believe in the Law of Attraction – and how could you not?)

#24. They learn to communicate with others.

There are too many people on the planet to only speak to a small portion of them. You should continue to study and new learn things your entire life. If you already speak two languages learn a third. A fourth. A fifth. Nothing is more satisfying than being able to “leap” over a perceived language barrier.

#25. They get that confidence is not the same as being cocky

Confidence is about allowing yourself to explore your curiosities without worrying about failure, it’s not being haughty. Want to learn how to play piano? Take lessons. Interested in the guy at your coffee shop? Ask him out. Play in the sunshine in your swimsuit without worrying about how your arms/butt/legs look. Carpe diem.

#26. Stand behind every single one of your promises.

This builds trust. If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE. It’s always better to tell people the truth up front. Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts. Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies.

#27. Family matters…but that doesn’t mean your family is always right.

We rely heavily on our family to support and shape us at a young age, but it’s important to make your own decisions and recognize when you family is wrong.

#28. They welcome feedback and understand that criticism is positive.

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#29. They know that they don’t have to drink to have fun.

#31. They understand that things don’t happen TO us.

They happen FOR us. Learn and grow from your negative experiences.

#32. They refuse to take no for an answer when it comes to their big dreams.

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Try, try again. We’ve all heard the cliche – but even famous people have been rejected before. EVEN MADONNA WAS REJECTED. Ask 100 times. All you need is ONE yes.

#33. They’re nice to others.

Being polite save you time and money. For example, being friendly and working along with a tech support person (or anyone, for that matter) results in fast and awesome service. If it takes a long time, it’s because it’s actually a tricky problem but the tech support person is refusing to give up until they’ve fixed it for you. Being polite goes a long way.

#34. Roots are important…they honor their family and nationality.

Do not ashamed of your name or your nationality.

#35. They’re fabulously unrealistic.

To be successful, you have to be a little unrealistic. Believe that something totally different than what has happened for an eternity CAN happen starting now. 12 years ago, did you think your phone would be capable of doing everything that it does? Exactly.

Did I miss anything? Please comment below and let me know if there’s a key principal that enriches your life, and don’t forget to SHARE this awesome list with all of your friends!

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